Monday, February 21, 2011

Post #1

So I have a goal; this being that I write on my blog...Seeing is that I spend ALOT of time at home alone because Jake works out of town I see this as a great way to 1. Get what is on my mind and my feelings out 2. To ask for peoples help thoughts and advice.

So please let me start with IF you are readying this please fill free to leave me comments on my post...even if I don’t know you and have somehow come across my blog... fill free to follow and leave your thoughts, advice and feelings.

SO post #1

Ok so I know that there are about 80,000,00 more people in this world that have it a lot harder than I do in life, however this is my place to point out what makes Lindsey’s life a hard. For those of you that don’t know my other half... Jake works for a tower tech company. Jake LOVES his job and I’m so very thankful that he dose love his job because there is nothing crummier then hating something that you have to do or go to more then you get to be at home! So for this...I am THANKFUL. But on the other hand I find myself some night in disbelief with how my life is, that might sound bad and could be 1000 other ways to put what I’m feeling but I’m being hones right? I guess if I was to look back 5 years I would have never thought this is where my life would be ... and I’m not saying that I’m not truly blessed and thankful, this is just not where I thought I would be. Where I thought I would be you ask.... let’s see 23 ummmm married, own a home, graduated from college and maybe start talking about having a family....sounds like every other 23 year old girl for the most part.

SO let’s start with the begging of that list.

* Married - Yes I love Jake with all my heart and there is not one thought in my mind that he is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is my other half and he has given me something no one else could have. My beautiful daughter. Trust me I drop hint...ok maybe there more than hints that I want to get married and or engaged would be nice. but I want it to be when it is right I don’t want to rush it I have my whole life with him and not any piece of paper is going to change that....but I just don’t want LillyAnn to look back and wonder or be sad that her parent were not married when we had her. BUT on the other hand I don’t want to tell her the only reason that we got married was because I was pregnant with her. (My personal feelings: NOT a reason to get married) ... but I hope to have a sparkling ring that is just waiting for me KAY jewelers. (Will post about this more at a later time)

* Own a Home - well I have a smoken deal from my parents, Jake and I live in a condo that my parents own... it is a sweet deal 425 a month for a 2bed 2 bath and a cute little closed of patio...this is a great place for us and such a amazing way for us to save money to buy a house. Jake moved around a lot as a kid and he does not want that for Lilly, we want her to grow up in the same neighborhood with her friends and go to school with them from elementary to high school...this is one thing my parents I’m so thankful did for my sister and I. So this will come for me not today or tomorrow or may before a few years but it is in my future and when I get to that point I will be just so happy!

Collage - Ok this is a touchy one... I’m beyond PISSED at myself for dropping out of cosmetology school it is my passion and it is something that I think I’m truly good at! I want to go back so bad but family is first and if that mean working to help support my family right now that is what I have to do. So I hope that I can go back in the next year a finish my hours!

Family - I would have NEVER thought that I would have had a baby at 23 ... but thing happen for obvious reasons. (Wink wink) I am so deeply truly blessed to have one of gods beautiful gift in my life. There is not a day that goes by that I’m just is a loss for word when I look at Lilly and just can’t believe she is MINE! Yes this did not happen as I thought would but I’m so glad it did. There are many night that go by that I take care of her alone and it is so hard ( getting back to the top of my post) Jake is gone 8 of 10 night with his family for work so needless to say it’s like I’m a single mom with an amazing income ;) Jake works hard for us and I get that but at the same time, it can be trying at times. I cry, get mad, get sad, angry, feel happy, and laugh when Jake is gone out of town. But I have to remember that I am fine WE are fine and that Jake loves me and Loved Lilly even more and he works for US his family! So after I have worked a 40 hr week and spend time with my little love, there is not much mommy time left but right now I’m 100% ok with that SHE is out number one and I would not have it any other way.

Ok well Lilly is asleep in my lap as I type and I need some cuddle time with my girl before it’s off to bed and then a new day. Hope if you are reading this you can maybe give me some insight and thought on how you thought your life would be and is because I know that no one’s life goes 100% like they planned.

Thanks for reading post #1,

Lindsey

5 comments:

  1. Lindsey I love you and your post.... Let me tell you something It really wasn't my plan to have 2 kids and one on the way at 23... This sounds so bad but I love working, I love the feeling that I did something different each day.
    My plan was to graduate college then marriage.. Sebastian came along and he was the one so my plans changed.

    What I have learned the past couple weeks though is to not give up on my dreams of a career like I did. In the fall I start online course's and in 2 or 3 years I'll start in a nursing program. I won't get to see the kids during those 2 years but it will be so worth it to know that I have that option in my life.

    As for life with Sebastian being broke and never seeing him kills me. It is hard but it is worth it. Every semester his schedule changes and everyone has to adjust. The first time the kids basically get to see him during the week is Thursday evening.

    Life is tough for a lot of us. You amaze me! I don't think I could push through what you have with Jake not being there. I honestly can't imagine. Anyways there is a deep look into my life. Stay strong and if you ever need to talk let me know. That was one of the hardest things I had to adjust too with having a kid and not working. The only adult conversation I got half the time was watching the TV and yelling at it. The first time I had a girls night I don't think I knew how to shut up. Sorry so long.

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  2. thank you for opening up about this!! i think this is a subject that is hard for everyone, not having your life go as you thought planned. i, too, didn't think i'd have a baby so soon after i got married and we are FAR from getting a house (not even a condo thinking about saving for it!) and it is hard. it is even harder when you look at other people's lives (and blogs) and compare. i know i do that A LOT and it gets depressing. but all you can do is know that no matter what, this is the plan God has for you and He is looking out for you! it may be hard and it may not be what you wanted but it is for the best because He knows you better than anyone. i know that's what gets me through the hard days :)

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  3. Linds! First off I love you! Life is not always what we plan. No way in heck did I think I would be married for 2 1/2 years by now and have a precious little angel on her way (who is going to be your little Lillys best friend :))!! I thought I would just be coming home from a mission casue you know in my head I was never getting married. haha Boy was I wrong! Life has its simple challenges and its more difficult ones. But in my head...Heavenly Father doesnt give us anything we cant handle. Life is stressful and depressing sometimes but most of the time...ITS WONDERFUL!!! I get what you are saying about your other half being gone a lot. tommy works his normal job and then would go and do side jobs till 11 at night...which being prego means I am usually in bed by that point. It was reallly hard on me emotionally and I would be sad, mad, cry, and then I would realize he is doing it for me so that when our little girl comes I can stay home with her and be the best mom I can possibly be. I love you and hope that you know that there is a plan for each of us and that what is meant to be will happen!

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  4. Hey Lindsey! Can I just start off by saying Lilly is soooo CUTE! She is Beautiful just like her Mamma!!
    I think back to high school and video journalism ;) I had no idea where life would take me and where I would be at 23. Little did I know just a few short months after graduating high school I would meet my best friend and now husband at Christopher Creek in the forest ;0
    and even more so only being married a month and a half and finding out that we were expecting a baby. When I first found out that I was pregnant with Colby... I cried. I was terrified that at the age of 19 I was going to be a mom. I had just started a new job that I loved and we were living in a tiny apartment addition off of my parents house. Jake and I have been through so much together from family problems(mine), financial struggles, and everything in between, but I can now honestly say that I would not have had it any other way. We now have our complete family with our 2 little boys, a house, and a wonderful life together. There are still hard times, but with the hard always comes the great.

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  5. Oh Lindz! First off, Lilly is BEAUTIFUL!!! I love her and her sweet mommy! 5 years ago I thought I'd be married to Daniel! bwahaha... let's just say what a bunch of wasted time! Why didn't someone just shake the nonsense outta me?! I def didn't think I'd still be living in Idaho. What was supposed to be just going to cosmetology school turned into me meeting, Tyler, my Idaho boy. Which I swore to my parents I was NOT gonna marry an I daho boy or a farmer. Well, his family farms. It's in his loins. Honestly I thought I'd marry a city guy that dresses fabulous or atleast a skater type. And for sure thought they'd have HUGE buff arms cuz that was my weakness. But Ty is everthing I never knew I wanted and I couldn't be happier. I prob would have more kids if it weren't for my endometriosis that I never thought I'd struggle with. Ty works crazy hours during fall, spring, and summer. sometimes up to 18 hour days. So I hear you about jake being gone. It's tough! he comes home @ 4pm during winter but it snows here and it's hard to get up and want to do anything. but then when it warms up and is nice he's gone. So totally stinks! But he does it for us and I'm truely grateful. It's been so much nicer having Knox cuz he keeps me pretty occupied to say the least. And I certainly didn't think my mom would be batteling with cancer. Things will get better as they always do! (Atleast that's what I tell myself). I love you Lindz! Wish we lived closer!

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I’m a currently going to school for cosmetology at Regency Beauty Institute and will graduating in May 2011. Jake is my wonderful boyfriend who is also my best friend, we are having our first baby November 21st 2010. I Love my Family and my Church … I make mistakes in life but there is nothing I could do without my trust and faith in GOD!